Out of randomness, my girlfriend asked me a rhetoric question on why men cheat, but in my absent mind I could not cook up any possible defence at all. She further hammered on it, now with a twist to it, she had to up her stacks now “I am still wondering if men are that bad, that even if you get the best wife you can ever find, even as good as your mother you still ain’t content? is it true” Then I realised yes I really need to up my game of words to keep face.
In a separate discussion, a stirring subject got me to ponder a lot about the idea of love, relationships, marriages for us as young people in this day and age.
“I was looking up some stats on the divorce rate in Zimbabwe. And in 2018 there was a 34 per cent increase in the number of divorce cases from 1 963. Also, more than half of these are said to be young couples
What could be the cause of this?
What are the possible solutions?”
Different perspectives were drawn from this, many pointing to the idea of two people growing out of love, lack of communication, stopping doing the little things that matters, stopping being spontaneous, the growing responsibilities and the family pressures on young couples that strains the young love, to mention but just a few… In my opinion, I felt the discussion strongly titled on the character, attitude and personality of people when they are married as leading to people falling out of love that makes people eventually divorce because of the lost of love… the spark… “kathat”…
I am no marriage counsellor nor an expert of love but I believe in the virtue of love, and itself that it manifests in people and brings butterflies and fairies (am not going to shy away from it, I am that one who believes in love LOL). And in that, I reckon that it’s the attitude that ‘we’, young people now have about the ‘perception of marriage’ has been the biggest enemy of our progress in our marriages.
Take a closer look now we have established marriage (by that, I mean the whole aspect from lobola kusvika wedding), as an achievement and we’ll judge and set scores that which was the best and which is least. Already instead of perceiving marriage as a sacred institution that has to mean something greater than ourselves, we have taken it as ‘social status of standard class system measurement’.
No wonder why we now focus on ‘slaying’, being on point on our once sacred lobola rites so we have the best shots to post on social media, on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, WhatsApp statuses… you name them so that people say ‘haaa ava zvakarongeka’ ‘ndiko kunonzi kuroorwa ka uku’.
Likewise, we even see how people go at lengths now overdoing everything on weddings, we now have to change 4-5 times on our wedding day of only less than 6 hours…to mention but just a few…
Clearly, this now has been the makeup of our attitude towards ‘marriage’ and surely, we do not think further than that. We no longer have that strong vocation to the institution of marriage but we are all falling in marriages for the sake of it just that we have to maintain a certain social standard or succumbing to pressures that everyone has done it and I am going to do it – and show it off, mine has to be most elegant and should outshine the rest. Now we have lost it here! This is no competition!
As a result, sadly we realize that after 2-3 years in that ‘marriage’ reality strikes ‘kuti aewa munhu uyu handinyatsomude uyu’, I have been trying to do damage control, all you have been doing is hoping you will actually fall for the person or love the person more than you already feel. But that won’t happen, and you will see you have fallen into a marriage for the wrong reason. And from here onwards comes the issue that we see a lot of young couples falling prey to the issues of extramarital relations and more strains due to different issues that they won’t be able to fix leading ultimately to calling it quits.
So now getting back to her (my girlfriend) question, my opinion is no matter how good that partner is she/he but if your initial attitude to the idea of marriage is wrong then you are doomed to fail. I will not glorify my opinion, but this is how ‘us’ young people now perceive marriage and I can safely say its pathetic, we are being the master architects of our own failure in marriages due to our attitude to the institution of marriage. We succumbing to social pressures and driven by naïve hearts of wanting to be glamorous, falling into marriage for wrong reasons. We have totally lost it! I can try to draw comparisons with how marriages were viewed by our mothers and fathers but, I won’t! Clearly, we know how it went down and we always try to justify the foolishness of our actions.